I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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