Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
