think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
