I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
