So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
