drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
