They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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