Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
