broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i out mim tonsoeep
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