Farmville is her only friend.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
