Quick, to the slutcave!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
