I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
