i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
