did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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