My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
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