o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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