the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
