I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
