it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
