I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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