I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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