xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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