I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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