jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
