She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
