she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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