seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
