Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
