life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
