You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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