dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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