also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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