i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
