RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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