You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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