we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
