the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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