i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
