Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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