Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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