it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
