One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
