Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
