so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
