but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
