If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
