I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
