I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
