Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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