Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
