I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
