i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Randomize
