Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
