I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
