My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We were destined to go to rehab together
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
