I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
