Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
